Shit talking behind my back is the biggest compliment one can give me.

I've had a few conversations with a several different friends recently at different times about rumors, gossip, and general backstabbing from "supposed" friends. It's really had me wondering if I truely believe my knee-jerk response that "I don't care." I've gone through my mental file cabinet of the last couple years to see if I can remember any instance in which I let someone's shit talking affect me. And I've honestly come to the conclusion that, yeah, it has on a rare occasion or so.
I think that those few times it's been the case...it's been when I let my guard down and something is said by people that know me a little more than the average zero that doesn't mean jack shit to me. But bascially, I DON'T give a damn what's said about me by the other 99.9% of the human race. Rumors....gossip....it doesn't affect me. How could it? The people spouting it aren't my friends. The people believing it aren't either. I was raised by a wonderful mom that taught me: words are just that....words. They can't hold you back or keep you down. They aren't true unless you LET them be true. Sometimes it's a long hard task....but I was taught to trudge forward and to "do your thing" will in the end prove nay-sayers wrong. I have always tried living by that creed and it's worked for me for the most part.
I guess I have an adavantage that helps me keep my eye on the prize. Growing up poor, and unpopular...it's helped me grow a thick skin. I learned long ago that people LOVE running their mouths. It gives them a sense of power to change another person's perception of you, and it costs them nothing. Much like other like-minded people, I get a certain amount of fuel out of the world of mis-information that forms behind me. It drives me even harder to be the best person, employee, or musician that I can possibly be. There's a satisfaction that comes along with someone saying TO me, "Man....you're not what I heard you were all about.". It's happened quite a bit actually. That's not to say that some of the rumors are without a degree of truth. I had this rep locally of being "negative". And honestly...that was the truth....somewhat. And hearing the nicknames "Capt Crumm" and shit like that, probably was the best thing that could of happened to me. Over that past couple of years, I'm a much more focused person who rebounds from defeat (musically, professionaly, and romantically) much quicker than before.
There's also the fact that I find empowering, is that, there is a reason that people will talk BEHIND your back. There is a reason that rear ended RUMORS are just that...because the people spreading them haven't the resolve to confront you with it. You are viewed as socially dangerous. It's better to be either loved or hated..but never ignored. Most people strive to be styrofoam or light-beer. I strive to be a bed of nails or 100 proof. There's no shades of gray for me, Everything is stark black-n-white...and I have no problem saying it. Detractors are intimidated, and they do their best to chop away at your credibility underneath your radar. I think that kind of behavior is about one of the best left-handed compliments somebody can pay me.
Anyway....I did my best to keep this piece as grammitically correct as possible. I'm sure I failed within the first 5 words. But I tried reguardless in honor of my 10th grade English lit teacher Mrs. Vicki Honeycutt, who I found out passed away this week. She was the best teacher I had the same year that I was a new student at Mt. Pleasant HS. She exposed me to my favorite movie "12 Angry Men" and spoke to us as people, not subjects. I'm forever grateful.
Also, another passing that should be noted is that of Bruce Roehrs. Bruce was a long time columnist and contributor to the punk rock standard known as Maximum Rock-n-Roll. And for ATLEAST the past decade...he was really the only voice of real rock-n-roll that was pushed in those pages. I had the pleasure of meeting Bruce a few times over the years and thanking him personally for kind, unsolicited words he included in his columns that were complimentary to both my band The Dead Kings and and my solo project (which he attended the first live peformance) Biggy Stardust and his Wretched Hive. This goes out a truely great guy. Rock-n-roll is now a little more bland due to his absense.